Peer Pressure & Helicopter Parents

unhappy-920220-sby Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2013

“The more you like yourself,

the less you are like anyone else,

which makes you unique.” —Walt Disney

A generation ago, I didn’t teach parents of school-age children how to instruct their children about peer pressure. But times have changed.

Unfortunately, peer pressure, is starting earlier; happening at lightning speed; on an unprecedented scale; and is fueled by social media. To make matters worse, today’s children may be less equipped to resist peer pressure, due to overprotective “helicopter parents.” (1)

Helicopter Parents Defined

Jennifer O’Donnell defines the term “Helicopter parents” “as a group of parents who engage in the practice of over-parenting. Helicopter parents are accused of being obsessed with their children’s education, safety, extracurricular activities, and other aspects of their children’s lives.” (1)

Another Definition

Another description by Indiana University psychologist Chris Meno adds, “Helicopter parents can be identified by their tendency to hover close to their child, ready to come to the rescue at the first sign of difficulty or disappointment.” (2)

Helping or Hindering?

Parents mistakenly believe they’re helping their children; however, their hovering and doing almost everything for their children is actually hindering them. These children cope less effectively than other children.  Since the parents have trouble setting limits for their children, the children have a hard time setting limits for their friends. (3)
Sources:
  1. What are Helicopter Parents? Jennifer O’Donnell, About.com Guide. Accessed 10/8/2013.
  2. Peer Pressure: Why it seems worse than ever and how to help kids resist it, Malia Jacobson, August 29, 2013.
  3. “Helicopter parents” stir up anxiety, depression. Indiana University, IU Newsroom, newsinfo.iu.edu. Accessed 10/8/2013.

 

 

 

New Opportunity for Writing

I’ve discovered a new opportunity for writing. It is called HARO, Help A Reporter Out. HARO is a network of writers who are seeking experts on topics they’re writing about. I’m responding as a child development expert to some of their requests. This is the first article I’m quoted in. Signs Your Child Is or Isn’t Ready for Preschool. Here’s a link to the article.

http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1005839/signs-your-child-is-or-isnt-ready-for-preschool

“Something New” Hope Street: My Journey

By Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2013bike-route-both-directions-logo-1416709-m

On October 5th, 2013 I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. For several months I’ve been exercising twice a week and doing some bike riding. My husband and I ride on some bike paths, but mostly I ride in our neighborhood by myself. Well, almost by myself.

Dancing in Circles. I wear a front pack that carries my ferocious Chihuahua, Grace. Despite the fact that she barks all the time at home, she’s the perfect bike passenger. She dances in circles when I ask, “Do you want to go on a bike ride?” and rarely makes a peep on the ride. I always feel safe when she rides with me.

Half-Way There. Today I’m proud of myself because I met my half way goal for my new adventure. I’ll be riding a 20 mile bicycle “Fun Ride” at Clear Lake. I rode ten miles today. We’re not discussing time here, just the distance.

I Paid for That? I’ve never done anything like this before. For those of you who know me, I’m not very coordinated and not even a teeny bit athletic. But I like riding my bike. I love to see God’s beauty and listen to the birds as I pedal along. I needed some kind of goal.

The Ride. I checked bike club rides but most are over 25 miles, so I had to start somewhere. I found this ride in a bike riding booklet. I even bought a pair of bike shorts. I never paid so much money for something so ugly. Oh, except for my hiking vest and pants when I started bird watching and hiking. I’m not sure which are the ugliest.

What About You? So I’m doing something totally out of my comfort zone. What about you? or your children? Have your children or teens been talking about something they want to do…someday? Is there something you’ve thought about trying but decided not to? Schools started this week in Modesto. A new school year is the perfect time to choose to do something new. I’d like to hear your stories of your new adventures. I’ll keep you posted on mine.

 

Back to School & Sleep

by Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2013
Ahhhh, summer vacation. Swimming, camping, amusement parks, and later bed times for children. But school is just around the corner. How can parents help get their children’s sleep back on schedule so they’re not tired when school starts and the alarm goes off way earlier than in the summer?
Do the Math. About two weeks before school starts, calculate how much earlier your children need to get up for school. For example, is your child is sleeping in until 9:00 AM and will have to get up at 7:00 AM for school, that’s two hours. Figure out roughly how much earlier they need to get up each day so that they’re ready for the school alarm clock. If they got up just ten minutes earlier every day, they’d be on track for the earlier wake-up time.
How Much Sleep? While you’re figuring out their wake-up times, just how much sleep does your child need? The American Academy of Sleep Medicine (2012) recommends that school age children (kindergarteners to 8th graders) need 9 to 10 hours of sleep. Ninth and 10th graders need 9.25 hours while 11th and 12th graders need 8.5 hours.
More Sleep? Your child needs more sleep if he/she has challenges getting up in the morning. Obviously, if your child falls asleep during school, he/she needs more sleep. Another reason your child may need more sleep if they are overly active and/or acting out.
Routines Help. Make bedtime consistent, relaxing routine. For younger children, a bath and story time are positive ways to end the day. If your children are sensitive to caffeine and/or sugar, eliminate these in the evenings. Don’t forget, chocolate contains caffeine.
Electronics & Sleep. Keep electronics out of the bedroom two hours before bedtime. Even the light from televisions or electronic devices can suppress the production of melatonin, a hormone that helps aides sleep. Following these suggestions and a healthy breakfast will help your child be ready to learn when he/she returns to school this fall.

 

Is Your Child a Quitter?

by Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2013

Do you wonder if your child is a quitter? Does it seem like your son or daughter begin something gung ho and then loses interest? 

Parents can help prevent children from quitting by teaching their children decision making skills and follow through. When our six-year-old daughter wanted to play soccer, we discussed with her what the commitment would involve before she made a choice.

Discussion Questions. For example, if your son or daughter wants to play sports, what will the schedule be and for how long? Does the child want to get up early for sports and give up part of the weekend? How many days a week and what times are practice? How will the child fit this in with other activities and homework? When all the details are gathered and explained, then the child can make an informed decision.   

New Skills. This dialogue begins equipping your child with decision making skills and responsibility for follow through. Is this an activity the child enjoys or is it something the parents want? The child understands that he/she is expected to finish the entire sports season.

Finish It Up. If it involves an entire school year, such as playing a violin in the school orchestra, the child will continue lessons until the end of the school year even if their practice sounds horrific! If they don’t like the activity after the season or year, they can choose something different the next time. Equipping your child with decision making skills not only gives them a better chance of follow through, they learn vital life skills.

Book Review: My Sister’s Keeper

by Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.D.My-sisters-keeper

When I taught Child Development in a Learning Community with an English teacher, all the reading was based on child development content. The fiction book we selected was My Sister’s Keeper.

The Story

The story begins with a couple’s decision to genetically engineer a baby to become a bone marrow match for the two-year-old sister Kate’s leukemia. Although the book actually covers two weeks, with flashbacks, the reader gains a fuller picture of the three siblings’ child and adolescent years.

Controversy

Author Jodi Picoult is known for taking real life controversial issues and presenting multiple views from various characters. How far would you go to save your child’s life? Picoult weaves the view of the father, mother, oldest brother, sister Anna, sister Kate, Cambell (Anna’s pro bono attorney), and Julia (Anna’s guardian ad item) in this emotionally riveting book.

Life as a “Designer Baby”

Since Anna’s arrival as a “designer baby,” she’s had countless medical procedures to save her sister’s life. At thirteen, when Anna’s parents plan for her kidney donation, Anna makes a decision to sue her parents for the rights to her own body.

Movie Not the Same

If you’ve seen the movie released in June 2009 and haven’t read the book, be prepared. The movie doesn’t entirely follow the book. The 423 page book is far more emotionally gripping. The author takes readers on a distressing roller coaster ride. As with all good roller coaster rides, there’s an unexpected twist at the end.

Food for Thought

This book is a tear jerker but gives such a concise picture of the struggles each family member deals with when a child is seriously ill. This book raises questions about medical ethics, family conflict, and the power of love. The book includes a Q & A section with the author and questions for discussion. When you read the book, you’ll want to discuss it with someone.

Book Information: My Sister’s Keeper, Jodi Picoult, Washington Square Press, 2004. This book is available through Amazon.com. Paperback $12.67; Kindle $10.38; Hardcover $19.48; Audio CD $25.64.

 

Teens & Money: Who Pays for College?

accounting-calculator-and-planner-90371-m-www.whitespark.ca_College expenses are rising every year and both students and parents alike wonder how they’ll afford a college education. If you have the finances to pay for your child’s entire college expenses, please reconsider.

When Parents Pay

As a college professor I’ve witnessed the results of parents paying for their kid’s entire expenses. These students are less responsible for their education because they have no vested interest. I hear students flippantly comment, “So what if lost my textbook. Too bad I failed that class. I can just take it again. My parents will pay for…”.

Your Student’s Share

Consider allowing your student to pay for certain expenses, such as their clothing, entertainment, car payments and insurance, textbooks, course materials, or even several of these categories. It will pay off in dividends. They will become more conscientious students which ultimately results in less overall expenses. When students are vested in their education, they’re more likely to attain their goals in a timely manner.

College and Car Insurance

If your son or daughter is attending college so their car insurance is covered under your policy, within six weeks, most of them won’t be attending classes. When I meet students each semester I share, “Your parents’ car insurance won’t motivate you to arrive twice a week for an 8:00 A.M. class. You must have your own personal reasons for obtaining a college education or you’ll drop out.”

College Drop Outs

Unfortunately many young people drop out of college. A new study by Harvard University reports that, “Only 56 percent of the students who enter America’s colleges and universities graduate within six years, while only 29 percent of students who enter two-year programs complete their degrees within three years, the study found.”1

Expectations

Raising financially responsible young people is possible, but requires advanced planning. In order to train your son or daughter, you need to know what your financial expectations are for your family. Then together with your young person, you can create a financial plan that works for everyone.

Source:

1. Study: Nearly Half Of America’s College Students Drop Out Before Receiving A Degree, Travis Waldron on Mar 28, 2012, thinkprogress.org/education/2012/03. Accessed 6/10/2013.

Book Review: Slouching Towards Adulthood

Slouching Toward Adulthoodby Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2013
As I’m researching for my book series, From Diapers to Diamonds: Raising Responsible Adults, I discover a book that raises many of the issues I’m answering in this parenting series.
“Adultescents” 
Slouching Toward Adulthood: Observations from the Not-So-Empty Nest written by Sally Koslow documents why a generation of carefully nurtured young adults is delaying adulthood. Though she offers no solutions except during a brief last chapter, she simply reports what she discovered from research and interviewing parents and what she calls “adultescents” during 2010 and 2011.
The Book
This thirteen chapter book provides a picture of college graduates returning home and living with their parents another decade or so. In the first chapter, A Public Display of Reflection, she explains how she learned that “twenty-eight is the new nineteen,” and included a new decade, the “odyssey, the decade of wandering that frequently occurs between adolescence and adulthood,” (p. 11) and she panicked. This information triggered the impetus for her book.
Great Book
I found this book so engaging. It’s flagged with countless post it notes and comments written throughout the book. She examines young adults’ relationships to work or not to work, money, and their social lives. In chapter three: Choose Your Own Adventure, she addresses the challenges with decision making. “Forget Plan B. There isn’t a Plan A,” (p. 24).
No Place Like Home
This entitled generation comes home after college because “…there’s nowhere else they could live better,” (p. 68). Two of my favorite chapters include chapter five: The U-Haul as Umbilical Cord and chapter six: Adultesents Without Borders. If your children have returned home or you hope they don’t return home, read this book. It gives a solid picture of what’s going on with the current generation of “adultescents.”
Book Information
Slouching Toward Adulthood: Observations from the Not-So-Empty Nest, Sally Koslow, Viking Penguin Group, 2012. Available at Penguin.com. Hardcover $25.95; paperback $16.00; eBook $9.99. 2013 paperback with a new introduction.

Teens & Money: To Work or Not to Work?

online-jobs-concept-1417325-mDr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2013

Maybe you’ve asked yourself, should my teenager get a job? If and when your teenager gets a job is a controversial decision.

Many parents don’t want their young person to work and focus only on school. Others expect their teens to work and contribute to the family’s income. This has become more of a reality for many families due to the economy.

Benefits of Working

A young person working has many benefits. First, they become more financially responsible when it comes to spending “their” money. They can purchase things that are beyond the family budget, such as a car or a stereo system. Second, they can save for long-term expenses, such as college or a down payment on a car. Third, they learn how to set priorities, and manage both their money and time more effectively.

Number of Hours

A longitudinal study showed that the number of hours 10th grade and 12th grade high school students work is correlated to their grade point averages. “The determining factors seem to be the number of hours worked during a week. Students who work less than 13 hours a week in the 10th grade and less than 11 hours a week in the 12th grade perform better than students who do not work but once students exceed the number of hours per week there is a significant drop in their GPA’s compared to non-working students.” 1

Work Experience

Teens also gain valuable work experience especially if they can find work related to their interests. Many colleges ask applicants to list work experience or volunteering related to the school they’re applying to. For example, if your child wants to become a veterinarian, help them locate work with animals. If they’re headed towards a medical career, find work in a doctor’s office or hospital.

Hidden Costs

There’s a hidden cost of your son or daughter not liking their future career upon graduation. It is cost effective to insure your kids like the field they are studying. I can’t tell you how many teachers I know who earned a teaching credential, only to find out within five years of employment, they don’t really like kids. What if they found that out in advance by working in your city’s recreation department or in a children’s Sunday School class? Getting a job after a college degree and finding out they don’t like this work is extremely expensive not only financially, but in time and energy as well.

After Graduation

A final benefit of teens working is that they gain work experiences that will assist them upon college graduation. Since there’s so much competition for jobs amongst college graduates, related work experience and volunteering adds to their potential employability. Yes, there are a few disadvantages of teens working, but what they gain towards becoming a responsible adult far outweighs the cons.

Source:

  1. Quirk, Kimberly J., Timothy Z. Keith, and Jeffery T. Quirk. “Employment During High School and Student Achievement: Longitudinal Analysis of National Data.” Journal of Educational Research, 95 (2001).

Book Review: All Grown Up and No Place to Go: Teenagers in Crisis

by Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2013All Grown Up...

As I research for my book series, From Diapers to Diamonds: Raising Responsible Adults, I discover a book that raises many of the issues I’m answering in this parenting series. Slouching Toward Adulthood: Observations from the Not-So-Empty Nest written by Sally Koslow documents why a generation of carefully nurtured young adults is delaying adulthood.

“Adultescents”

Though she offers no solutions except during a brief last chapter, she simply reports what she discovered from research and interviewing parents and what she calls “adultescents” during 2010 and 2011.

“Twenty-eight is the new nineteen”

This thirteen chapter book provides a picture of college graduates returning home and living with their parents another decade or so. In the first chapter, A Public Display of Reflection, she explains how she learned that “twenty-eight is the new nineteen,” and included a new decade, the “odyssey, the decade of wandering that frequently occurs between adolescence and adulthood,” (p. 11) and she panicked. This information triggered the impetus for her book.

Engaging

I found this book so engaging. It’s flagged with countless post it notes and comments written throughout the book. She examines young adults’ relationships to work or not to work, money, and their social lives. In chapter three: Choose Your Own Adventure, she addresses the challenges with decision making. “Forget Plan B. There isn’t a Plan A,” (p. 24).

There’s No Place Like Home

This entitled generation comes home after college because “…there’s nowhere else they could live better,” (p. 68). Two of my favorite chapters include chapter five: The U-Haul as Umbilical Cord and chapter six: Adultesents Without Borders. If your children have returned home or you hope they don’t return home, read this book. It gives a solid picture of what’s going on with the current generation of “adultescents.”

Book Information

Slouching Toward Adulthood: Observations from the Not-So-Empty Nest, Sally Koslow, Viking Penguin Group, 2012. Available at Penguin.com. Hardcover $25.95; paperback $16.00; eBook $9.99. Paperback, 2013 with a new introduction.