Ideas for, “There’s nothing to do.” (Summer Edition)

Posted by Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.D.

Summer’s beginning. It won’t be long until your kids’ whine, “There’s nothing to do.”

But don’t sweat it; here are ten summer fun activities that will keep your children occupied.

  1. Pitch a tent in the backyard and camp with Smokey the Bear.
  2. Plant seeds and grow healthy vegetables to harvest and cook. We just planted sunflowers for the birds to eat this fall.
  3. Take old bread to the park and feed the birds.
  4. Sprinklers are a forgotten play activity with so many yards watered automatically. With water shortages, turn off automatic sprinklers. Parents can easily adapt water volume for small children or bigger kids.
  5. Nature scavenger hunt. Identify items for children to find. They can draw what they find, mark it off a list, or take photos of each item.
  6. Remember sidewalk chalk. Lets children express their creativity and washes off easily.
  7. Dig in the dirt with shoes off. Shovels, water, containers, and trucks provide lots of fun. Hose down children when done! This is one of my grandson’s favorite activities. I keep a dirt area in the yard just for mud play.
  8. Tricycle/Bicycle Derby. Decorate bikes. Bike races by age groups. When we did this in our neighborhood, a boy in a
  9. Pets on Parade. Gather the pets, dress them up, and have a parade on your sidewalk. (Cats and dogs on leashes.)
  10. Don’t forget Flag Day on June 14th. Buy flags from a dollar store. Children create instruments such as drums, shakers, and tambourines. Then form a parade on your neighborhood sidewalks.

 

Image Source: sunflower [commons.wikimedia.org]

Make Day Trip Packing Easier with Preschoolers

Posted by Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.D.

Yeah, it’s summer. It’s time for day trips, weekend getaways, and vacations. Sounds like fun! Or does it? The thought of packing up an entire family for a day seems like too much effort. But what if you could teach your pre-school child to pack his or her own backpack or travel bag? It’s easier than you think.

Day Trips

Begin by teaching your three-to-five year old preschooler to pack for day trips, like a trip to the lake or beach. Here are four tips for helping your preschooler pack.

Tip #1: Show and Tell

If your child has never been to the beach (or wherever you’re going), find picture books at your local library. Tell your child what you’ll be doing. For example, “We’re going to the beach. You’ll get to play in the sand and go in the water. It’s going to be so much fun! What clothes and toys do you need to pack for the beach?”

Tip #2: Prompts and Questions

Help your child know what to bring by asking questions. For example, “What three things would you like to bring so you can play in the sand?” It is ideal if your preschooler has her own backpack or travel bag to use for packing.

Tip #3: Let the Fun Begin

Pack with your preschooler the day before so it will be less stressful. When it’s time to pack the car, ask your preschooler to get his bag and carry it to the car.

Sunny Days

When we moved to Southern California (think sunny days) our daughters were four and six. Almost daily after school, the three of us traipsed to the sun drenched lake. Both girls carried their own plastic pink or purple tote for their beach towel and any other items they wanted, such as sand toys. They were entirely responsible for packing their bags and toting them to and from the car and lake.

Tip #4: Remember Your Purpose

When I share about training preschoolers to pack, a Mom typically questions, “But what if your daughter forgot her towel?” (Or other important item needed).

Not all parents are comfortable with my answer. My answer is based on the big picture, not the immediate. “If she forgot her towel, she was wet for a few minutes. Or maybe her sister shared her towel.”

The purpose is to train your children when they are young. Our girls quickly learned, just as your preschoolers will learn. They are responsible for their items, not Mommy or Daddy. Before you know it, your preschooler will be able to pack for a day trip with limited or no help from you. Now enjoy your day trip with your preschooler.

 

Image Sources: boy-141754_child sea ocean [pixabay.com] and Bags on Platamona Beach 3838879957 [flickr.com]

 

 

Teens & Money: Designer Jeans, Coupons and Budgets

Posted by Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.D.


sale-1430736-s“Why do we always have to use a coupon to buy clothes?” laments my eleven-year-old daughter. “I want them today.”

“You know we have a clothing budget. We can get more for our money if we wait until the item is on sale and we have a coupon,” I try explaining once again.

“Everyone else’s mom just buys their designer jeans even if they’re not on sale,” she retorts trying for the mother guilt button.

The Budget

But this conversation changed significantly one year later when our seventh grader was given her very own clothing budget. “Mom, do you have any coupons? I need some jeans,” I proudly heard. She was allotted a monthly amount but could use up to three months of budget money at a time if necessary. Since our daughters were in year-round school, budget money for three months seemed reasonable.

Planning

No, we didn’t just give our adolescents money and let them have a free for all. We talked about special events coming up, seasonal items like coats and swimsuits, what still fits from last season, do they need new undergarments, what about shoes, ways they can update their wardrobe inexpensively, and yes, how buying items on sale and using coupons saves money.

Care of Clothes

Because they knew the cost of every item purchased, they took great care of their clothes when they began doing their own laundry at age thirteen (Laundry or Writing?).

Special Events

As they entered high school and needed dresses for special events such as the winter formal and the prom, we paid for half the dress cost up to a certain amount. Young men will need additional budget money for winter formal sports coats and renting tuxedoes for the prom.

Designer Clothes

When they wanted additional clothing or designer clothing items that cost more, they used gift money or worked for extra money. Other families we know paid up to a certain amount for clothing items, such as a pair of jean or athletic shoes, and the young person paid the difference.

How Much Money?

I’m purposely not sharing how much money we gave our daughters for two reasons. First, they are young adults and inflation has occurred since they were teenagers. Second, each family has an income; some may have a larger budget for clothing, while other families will have smaller budgets.

You may think you can’t afford to give your adolescents a clothing budget, but if you honestly track how much you spend on their clothes, shoes, undergarments, etc. it adds up quickly. The point isn’t so much about how much you allot for their budget, but teaching them the principles of money management.

Resist the Urge to Rescue

When you transition the budget responsibility to your young adults, please resist the temptation to rescue them when they spend all their clothing money and need something. They will not learn to plan ahead and use their money wisely if you rescue them.

Keep in mind that they will eventually learn to live with the consequences if you allow them opportunities to learn. And in no time, they’ll start asking, “Do you have any coupons?” and you will know you’ve done your job.

What Works for You?

How are you teaching your adolescents about money? How do you handle their clothing purchases? What lessons have your adolescents learned about money management?

Image from: Stock.XCHNG www.sxc.hu/.sale-1430736-s. 
 

Teens & Money: To Work or Not to Work?

Posted by Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.D.

online-jobs-concept-1417325-m

Maybe you’ve asked yourself, should my teenager get a job? If and when your teenager gets a job is a controversial decision.

Many parents don’t want their young person to work and focus only on school. Others expect their teens to work and contribute to the family’s income. This has become more of a reality for many families due to the economy.

Benefits of Working

A young person working has many benefits. First, they become more financially responsible when it comes to spending “their” money. They can purchase things that are beyond the family budget, such as a car or a stereo system. Second, they can save for long-term expenses, such as college or a down payment on a car. Third, they learn how to set priorities, and manage both their money and time more effectively.

Number of Hours

A longitudinal study showed that the number of hours 10th grade and 12th grade high school students work is correlated to their grade point averages. “The determining factors seem to be the number of hours worked during a week. Students who work less than 13 hours a week in the 10th grade and less than 11 hours a week in the 12th grade perform better than students who do not work but once students exceed the number of hours per week there is a significant drop in their GPA’s compared to non-working students.” 1

Work Experience

Teens also gain valuable work experience especially if they can find work related to their interests. Many colleges ask applicants to list work experience or volunteering related to the school they’re applying to. For example, if your child wants to become a veterinarian, help them locate work with animals. If they’re headed towards a medical career, find work in a doctor’s office or hospital.

Hidden Costs

There’s a hidden cost of your son or daughter not liking their future career upon graduation. It is cost effective to insure your kids like the field they are studying. I can’t tell you how many teachers I know who earned a teaching credential, only to find out within five years of employment, they don’t really like kids. What if they found that out in advance by working in your city’s recreation department or in a children’s Sunday School class? Getting a job after a college degree and finding out they don’t like this work is extremely expensive not only financially, but in time and energy as well.

After Graduation

A final benefit of teens working is that they gain work experiences that will assist them upon college graduation. Since there’s so much competition for jobs amongst college graduates, related work experience and volunteering adds to their potential employability. Yes, there are a few disadvantages of teens working, but what they gain towards becoming a responsible adult far outweighs the cons.

Source:

  1. Quirk, Kimberly J., Timothy Z. Keith, and Jeffery T. Quirk. “Employment During High School and Student Achievement: Longitudinal Analysis of National Data.” Journal of Educational Research, 95 (2001).
  2. Image: online-jobs-concept-1417325-s [freeimages.com]

Teens & Money: Who Pays for College?

Posted by Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.D.

College expenses are rising every year and both students and parents alike wonder how they’ll afford a college education. If you have the finances to pay for your child’s entire college expenses, please reconsider.

When Parents Pay

As a college professor I’ve witnessed the results of parents paying for their kid’s entire expenses. These students are less responsible for their education because they have no vested interest. I hear students flippantly comment, “So what if lost my textbook. Too bad I failed that class. I can just take it again. My parents will pay for…”.

Your Student’s Share

Consider allowing your student to pay for certain expenses, such as their clothing, entertainment, car payments and insurance, textbooks, course materials, or even several of these categories. It will pay off in dividends. They will become more conscientious students which ultimately results in less overall expenses. When students are vested in their education, they’re more likely to attain their goals in a timely manner.

College and Car Insurance

If your son or daughter is attending college so their car insurance is covered under your policy, within six weeks, most of them won’t be attending classes. When I meet students each semester I share, “Your parents’ car insurance won’t motivate you to arrive twice a week for an 8:00 A.M. class. You must have your own personal reasons for obtaining a college education or you’ll drop out.”

College Drop Outs

Unfortunately many young people drop out of college. A new study by Harvard University reports that, “Only 56 percent of the students who enter America’s colleges and universities graduate within six years, while only 29 percent of students who enter two-year programs complete their degrees within three years, the study found.”1

Expectations

Raising financially responsible young people is possible, but requires advanced planning. In order to train your son or daughter, you need to know what your financial expectations are for your family. Then together with your young person, you can create a financial plan that works for everyone.

Sources:

1. Study: Nearly Half Of America’s College Students Drop Out Before Receiving A Degree, Travis Waldron on Mar 28, 2012, thinkprogress.org/education/2012/03.

2. Image: Student Debt [flickr.com]

Disturbed. Very Disturbed.

Posted by Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.D.

The recent school shootings came closer to home today. Too close. While I was helping in my grandchild’s second grade class, three boys started talking to me. One said, “A six-year-old boy was killed at school.”

I asked, “How do you feel about that?”

They all replied, “Scared.”

I’m disturbed.

For years, I’ve repeatedly listened to parents’ and relatives’ share stories about their children being bullied. Often the bullying has gone on for years. They report that the bullies who began bullying their children in elementary school continued bullying into junior high and even into high school.

I’m disturbed.

A high school employee shared about a recent incident on campus with a student who’s being bullied. The bully said, “Go ahead and cut yourself. No one cares about you anyways.”

I’m disturbed.

Then the adult added, “Some teachers won’t let students out of class to talk to someone about a bullying incident because ‘it’s just part of life.’”

I’m disturbed.

The only thing in common I keep hearing over many years seems to be the lack of school response. I can’t tell you how many times a parent or relative has told me about an incident(s) and said, “Nothing was done.”

I’m disturbed.

Last week when I was I Jacksonville, Florida for Youth for Christ’s Mid-Winter Conference, I shared my concerns with a mother who lives in Denver, Colorado. “I’m afraid it’s’ going to take a horrible shooting for the schools in the Modesto area to wake up.”

“It won’t make any difference. We have shootings almost every week,” she said.

I’m beyond disturbed. I’m shocked.

The CBS headline on February 14 was updated February 15th to read, “17 school shootings in 45 days — Florida massacre is one of many tragedies in 2018.”

Editor’s Note: “A previous version of this story, using data provided by Everytown for Gun Safety, said there were 18 school shootings in 2018. Everytown has since revised that number down to 17 after the Washington Post published an article disputing the group’s figures.”

I’m disturbed.

I’m not going to get into how many incidents were suicides, how many were accidents, how many resulted in no injuries, nor am I going to get into gun control. To be honest, I don’t really know what to do. But I do know how I feel.

I’m afraid for my three grandchildren.

I’m afraid for the three second grade boys.

I’m afraid for children in my community.

I’m afraid for America’s children.

Donald Trump said, “No child, teacher or anyone else should ever feel unsafe in an American school.”

And yet children, teachers, and grandmas helping in classrooms feel unsafe.

I’m disturbed. I’m very disturbed.

For more disturbing information, visit https://www.cnbc.com/2018/02/14/florida-school-shooting-brings-yearly-tally-to-18-in-2018.html to learn more and view graphs of school shooting incidents since 2013.

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Image source: whitehouse.gov

Completing the Circle

Posted by Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.D.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

[www.freeimages.com] Teak Sato teamwork-1-1236470

If you are working with Restorative Practices in Schools then you know that there are not as many resources for working with elementary children as there are for junior and senior high students. I discovered a booklet focused on 9 to 12 year olds by Professor Rick Kelly from George Brown College in Canada that is available to print online.

Principles

Although Completing the Circle: Conferencing for Children at Risk was published in 2004, the principles are relevant today. Kelly’s focus is on children under age 12. What I found refreshing and unique is his perspective on how some child development theories align developmentally with Restorative Justice Conferencing (RJC).

Vygotsky

Child development theorist Lev Vygotsky believes children’s learning is enhanced when an adult provides “scaffolding” (or support) near to the child’s developmental ability. This expands their capacity which results in the child’s development being enhanced and supported.

Developmental Areas

Kelly also identifies a number of developmental areas children experience between the ages of 9 to 12. Children are beginning to not only understand their own perspective, but the perspective of others. They are learning to determine the difference between what is right and what is wrong. Additionally, they are responding to the feelings of others. They are motivated by positive expectations, encouragement from others, and reinforcement.

Foundation

These developmental concepts lay the foundation for children ages 9 to 12 to participate in a valuable strategy known as Restorative Justice Conferencing. This structured method brings together each person harmed by the student(s) who caused the harm and is typically facilitated by a school administrator. Causes of harm in an elementary school could be bullying, fighting, damage to property, cheating or stealing.

Voluntary

Restorative Justice Conferencing requires voluntary participation by all those affected by a problem. The focused goal is repairing the harm. Students are held accountable for their actions and making things as right as possible.

Support Needed

Sometimes students invite a peer friend and other adults to support them. Parents/guardians often participate in this collaborative approach. Conferencing is an excellent method for engaging parents and families. Parents often see this as a way for their students to resolve problematic behaviors, face consequences, and become more assertive.

Effectiveness

“Restorative Justice Conferencing has been seen to be effective when used with a variety of different behaviors, in a variety of settings, with diverse cultural groups and with different age groups. A growing body of experiences and research is demonstrating the effective[ness] of such an approach as an early intervention with children under 12” (p. 7).

To learn more about conferencing with children under 12, please read Professor Kelly’s work.

 

Source: Completing the Circle: Conferencing for Children at Risk, Rick Kelly, Professor, Child and Youth Worker Program, Centre for Community Services and Development, George Brown College in Canada, 2004.

http://justusrestorativepractices.weebly.com/uploads/8/7/9/9/8799956/manual.pdf.

Stealing My Joy

Posted by Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.D.

For four days, I had to cancel my restorative practices school site visits due to illness. Finally, I was  well enough to venture out one day last week.

As I approached the school, I realized that I was really excited about working with the new Intervention Center staff at the junior and senior highs. Tears brimmed my eyes.

The previous six weeks had been discouraging. A training day didn’t go well. There was miscommunication about expectations. Too many participants crammed into a training room. A few PowerPoint slides weren’t updated and caused some confusion. The afternoon sessions were split into two groups but the noise made it difficult to focus.

Some site team members barely participated. If I used proximity, they’d pretend they were doing something. They were so disruptive in the morning, I almost gave them the choice to participate or return to their campus. Looking back, I wish I had.

The challenges grew in my mind as I spent days at home not feeling well. Not having interactions with others further isolated me. I couldn’t remember when I felt so dejected.

As the first tear dropped on my cheek, I remembered something. I’m not going to let circumstances steal my joy. “Lord, thank you for the opportunity to become a restorative practices trainer and consultant four years ago. You knew it would be a perfect fit for my skills and values.”

I wiped several more tears from my face taking care not to smear my makeup. “Lord, thanks for using my education and experiences to work alongside K-12 educators.” 

As I grabbed my briefcase-like black purse from behind my seat, my excitement increased. With a bounce in my step and a broad smile, I entered the school office.

I enjoyed my interactions with the staff. I was energized and engaged. The two hours flew by.

When I returned to my car, I dialed my husband on the speaker phone. He knew by my voice that I’d had a good day. After the call ended, tears re-appeared. More tears of joy and gratitude. “Lord, I’m thankful You reminded me that my joy can’t be stolen by circumstances.”

Psalm 28:7

“The Lord is my strength and my shield;

my heart trusts in him,

and he helps me.

My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.”

 

Sources:

New International Version. https://www.biblegateway.com

Image: neon-expression-joy-sign [public domain pictures]

Proud Owner of Weeds

Posted by Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.D.

A few weeks ago I realized something that made me happy. Cheat grass, dandelions, carpetweeds, smooth crabgrass and other unidentified weeds had invaded my grass and the flower beds. Not just a few weeds but the weeds had proliferated.

I bet the backyard doesn’t have as many weeds. It’s a smaller area and I spend more time out there. But I was wrong. It actually made me happy. Spotted spurge (photo) covered over one-third of the grass – they reseeded rapidly. They have a dark purple splotch in the center of their leaves, making them an easy week to spot. I usually pull them when they are 2 to 3 inches. But not this year. They’d branched out like spider webs.

I smile. The reason I have weeds this year is because I’m not home day after day pulling weeds. I recall the first year I was on medical leave. It was seven years ago and if I did anything at all, I’d pull weeds. I sat in the front yard for hours. Neighbors often commented, “When you finish, you can start on my yard.” I could barely put together a coherent sentence to respond. But at least I got some sun and fresh air.

This was a different year. While I’d been writing a few articles, traveling to Arizona, Idaho, and Palm Springs, presenting restorative practices workshops at schools, consulting with 16 site team leaders and doing research for new workshops – the weeds grew. And they grew. And grew. I barely noticed them.

My smile turns to a grin. The weeds are thriving this year. I’m thriving too. That makes me happy.

 

Using the 4 Ws and 1 H for Adolescents’ Adventures

Posted by Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.D.

Summer is almost here. And with summer comes a flurry of activities. If you’re the parent of middle schoolers or high schoolers, they are constantly bombarding you with requests like these:

“Can I go to the baseball game with Manual?”

“Can I go shopping with Maria?”

Sound familiar? There’s a way to make your life simpler, be better able to answer your adolescents’ requests, and help your emerging adults become more responsible.

Transition Responsibility

When your kids are younger, you verify activity details with the other parent(s). When your children enter early adolescence, you can transition this responsibility to them.

Getting Details

We used the 4 Ws and 1 H when our daughters wanted to go somewhere with friends. This placed responsibility on them for getting the activity details so we, as parents, could make an informed decision.

The 4 Ws and 1 H

Here are some questions that your adolescent will find answers to that corresponded to their specific activity. These answers will ultimately help you answer their question, “Can I. . . ?

W1: Who else is going? Who’s supervising you?

 

W2: What will you be doing? What do you need from me?

 

W3: Where are you going? Include specifics like which lake or which park?

 

W4: When are you going? When do you need to be there? When will you be done?

 

1H: How are you getting there? How are you paying for this? How are you getting home?

 

Quick Learners

It didn’t take long for our early adolescent daughters to catch on. We wouldn’t give them an answer until we had all the details. When they asked and had incomplete information, we’d mention what we still needed. We’d say something like, “When you know which movie you’re seeing and the time, we can make a decision.”

Accountability

When you transfer responsibility to your son or daughter, you are also holding them accountable for their plans. You also know what they need from you. Don’t be surprised if your answer involves negotiations like, “How about it we take you and Jessica’s parents bring you home?”

What about you?

The 4 Ws and the 1H worked well for us. How do you think it could work in your home? How could it make your life easier? What would it teach your soon-to-be adult?

 

All images from Pixabay.com