Who Are You Wearing?

I’m browsing an article I like. And an ad pops up that draws my attention to a few dresses I’d viewed on-line. The ad asks a simple question. “Who are you wearing?” I chuckle. In bold font, “All your favorite designers 30% off only for friends and family.”

I certainly enjoy shopping sales but as for who I’m wearing, my answer doesn’t fit Macy’s advertising target audience. It doesn’t fit brand advertising period.

Learning To Sew

In 7th grade I joined 4-H and learned to sew. My mom became my sewing leader. Prior to that my mom made most all my clothes from my first day-of-school dresses to new Easter dresses to dresses for special religious occasions. The last dress she made me was my 8th grade graduation. The dress was in blushing pink dotted swiss fabric.

New Sewing 4-H Leader

After two years, I could make anything I wanted. “I can’t teach you anything more. You need a new 4-H sewing leader. She found me my freshman 4-H sewing leader during summer school, a Sacramento State home economist teacher. She taught a small group of teens advanced sewing skills. I learned tailoring so I could create blazers and coats and even make Vogue patterns that were more difficult than Butterick, Simplicity and McCalls patterns.

I’m not coordinated enough to play sports, but my eye-hand coordination is excellent. I discovered joy in choosing patterns for 65 cents, calico prints for $1.29 per yard and creating one-of-a-kind clothing. Sewing became my passion. I learned to sew quickly, and could create something new in a few hours.

1960s and Pants

When I started high school, the 1960’s women’s liberation movement brought pants to school. Girls were no longer confined to dresses and skirts. Though fashion changed I’ve never liked pants nearly as much as dresses and skirts. To this day, they are my go-to wardrobe, even in the summer. Skirts and dresses are way cooler than shorts.

I not only still created my own clothing, but made my daughter’s clothes too. I whipped up their Cabbage Patch dolls’ complete wardrobes that my grand-daughters now use with their dolls. I imagined I’d make my future grand-daughter’s clothing and teach them to sew.

Sewing Became Shopping

That was until I was thirty-five. What changed? I took a part-time teaching job and had more money to buy clothes and less time, so I sewed less. Now my sewing abilities are limited by my brain impairment. I managed to make Parker a quilt and Khloe’s doll a blanket and an outfit. I bought a doll pattern and made Kylie some doll clothes.

Often when I shop at clothing stores, I see something I like, such as a collar and sleeves on a dress but I don’t like the rest of it. Or I’d like it if it was a different fabric or color. Lately I’ve seen many items with peplums that I wore in high school. That’s when I wish I still sewed. I’d just mix and match pattern pieces, choose my fabric and create my own designer fashions.

I admit, there are certain designers I like better than others. But these designers have one criteria in common. Their logos and brands are not blasted on the clothing item. I don’t buy eye glasses or shoes that have brands displayed prominently either. Except once by total accident.

Granddaughter and Brands

I said to my granddaughter, “I like your top.”

She replied, “It’s from Justice.”

I then see the brand, “Justice,” across her shirt. I ask, “Does Justice pay you to advertise for them?” At seven, she didn’t understand my point, but perhaps you will.

Who am I Wearing?

Why do people pay more money to wear expensive designer labels and voluntarily advertise for them for free? If designers offered to pay me to advertise their clothing brand I might consider it momentarily, but ultimately, I’d refuse. I’d refuse for the same answer I have to the Macy’s ad.

When Macy’s asks, “Who am I wearing,” My answer is, “I’m wearing me. And I’ve been wearing me since I was twelve years old.” I buy clothing I like without labels on sale. What about you? How would you answer their advertising question, “Who do you wear?”


Image Source: Businessman w toy block Brand text [Flickr.com]

New Workshop: Restorative Practices and Picture Books

It is summertime and I’m working on some new restorative practices workshops for this school year. The one I’m most excited about involves children’s picture books. As a former child development professor, I love children’s books.

Social Justice Books

I was inspired by a workshop during the Restorative Justice World Conference in April by Carmen Zeisler with ESSDACK, an educational organization. She provided links to children’s social justice book web sites. I’m enjoying previewing books I’m finding at my local library. My introductory workshop is titled Building Community Using Circles and Picture Books and is for K-3rd grade educators.

New Children’s Book

Today I heard about Wally & Freya, a new restorative practices book for children. This book is also by one of the presenters from the conference. Dr. Lindsey Pointer and Kathleen McGoey taught a workshop, Games and Activities for Teaching Restorative Justice. I get a monthly email highlighting new activities. Today’s activity featured the book.

Amazon describes Pointer’s Wally & Freya as follows,

“A heartwarming picture book that teaches empathy and inclusion.

Everyone knows Wally is a bully. He steals lunch every day from Bella Jo the bear, calls Oliver the owl mean names, and never shares the crayons. So when the other animals decide to write a story together and the notebook disappears, there is little doubt that Wally has taken it.

But what the animals don’t know is why Wally acts the way he does. As they unravel the mystery of the missing notebook, they also begin to understand Wally, which leads to a surprising and joyous discovery.

This sweet story teaches children empathy and the amazing power of kindness and inclusion. The first in a new series on restorative justice practices for kids, this book is sure to delight children and grownups alike.”

I can’t wait to get the book and integrate it into my new workshop.

New Workshop Description

Building Community Using Circles and Picture Books

Learn how your students can connect deeply and personally to the books they read. Using the restorative practices framework, educators can develop safe, supportive spaces in schools by creating community-building circles around picture books. This workshop for K-3rd grade educators begins with an overview of restorative practices in education, circle guidelines, community building circles basics, and connections to CASEL’s (Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning) standards. Do you have any suggestions, changes, or deletions? I’d love to hear from my readers.

Class of 2030 Missing 19

I called my husband. “Rick, there’s been a shooting at a Texas elementary school. Fifteen are dead.”

I called a second time. “Now it’s 18 have been killed.”

When I hear the next report, “Twenty-one killed in mass shooting,” I cried. How does this keep happening? I pray for the families and all those involved. I crave more information. I watch all the updates for days. Then it becomes a week. Now it’s two weeks. I’ve never followed a school shooting like this before. Why am I obsessed with what happened in Uvalde? I find myself identifying with various roles.

I most identify as Grams. Years ago, I was in kindergarten class; a classroom sign read, Class of 2030. That sounds so far away. I will be so old. Today it doesn’t feel so far away. I recall my grandchildren in fourth grade. What would it be like to hear that one of my grandchildren was killed in a school shooting? I can’t even begin to comprehend the pain. There will be 19 fewer children graduating in 2030. This compels me to pray for the children’s families.

I identify as a mother. I have one daughter who teaches third grade in a rural community in California and another daughter who substitutes in a small town in Missouri. When I became a teacher in the early 80s, school shootings were nonexistent. It didn’t help when my daughter said, “Mom, everyone becoming a teacher today knows the risks. I thought about it when I chose my new classroom.” I’m compelled even more to pray for the grieving mothers.

I identify as a teacher. As a high school and college teacher for many years, I recount the many students entrusted to my care. I think of the teacher who was shot twice lying-in pain while the 10 children in his class were also shot and killed. What would it be like to lie in pain in the silence for an extensive time? I agonize with the life-long consequences of witnessing your students killed? How would I live with that even as a Christian? This compels me to pray for the teachers and the families of the two teachers killed.

I identify as a mother-in-law with a son-in-law in law enforcement. Every time I see a police car I pray for his safety and the safety of others. Law enforcement officers serve others. It appears that mistakes were made Uvalde that may have caused more loss of life. What would it be like to know that my decisions and the decisions of others prevented me from saving more lives? I’m compelled to pray for all the law enforcement involved in this shooting.

I don’t have any answers to all my ponderings. This all lays so heavy on my heart. I truly can’t comprehend the pain and suffering of all those affected by the shootings. I do know that I am compelled to pray. Compelled to pray for the community of Uvalde and for realistic solutions to preventing future mass shootings. The cost of this it too high. Way too high.


Image Source: concept-retro-colorful-word-art-illustration-year-written-shapes-colors-204952191 [dreamstime.com]

Expulsions and Suspensions for Preschoolers

Last week I did an all-day training for an elementary sited called  Restorative Practices 101. It is a six-hour overview of restorative practices in schools with an emphasis on practical skills educators can use the next day. A state preschool teacher expressed interest. “I’d like to use restorative practices with my preschoolers.”

“That’s exciting. I’m reading more about restorative practices being implemented in early childhood programs. I’ll send you some ideas next week.”

It had been a while since I’ve done research on this topic, so I decided to see what’s out there before I sent her information. As a former early childhood educator professor, I was shocked at what I discovered.

In 2005, Yale researchers reported that preschoolers are being suspended at three times the rate of those in K-12 grades and that Black children were more likely to be pushed out of preschool.

In 203-2014, 6,743 preschoolers in district provided preschool programs received one or more school suspensions according to the U.S. Department of Education. The statistic didn’t include private or non-school district preschool programs who potentially also had suspensions. I’m anxious to read the book, No Longer Welcome: The Epidemic of Expulsion from Early Childhood Education by Katherine M. Zinsser coming out in August this year.

The Federal government released policy recommendations to reduce expulsions and suspensions in 2014 and updated them in November 2016. They are listed below.

Overview of Recommendations1

  1. “Establish Fair and Appropriate Policies and Implement them Without Bias
  2. Invest in a Highly Skilled Workforce
  3. Access Specialized Supports for Administrators and Educators
  4. Strengthen Family Partnerships
  5. Implement Universal Developmental and Behavioral Screening
  6. Set Goal and Track Data Towards Eliminating Expulsions and Suspensions”

Although I don’t disagree with the recommendations as far as excellence in early childhood, I’m not sure that they will truly address the issue of expulsions and suspensions.

“While there have been some encouraging signs — the rate of suspensions and expulsions fell sharply between the 2015-2016 and the 2017-2018 school years — the same stubborn, stark racial disparities remain. Black boys make up 18 percent of the male preschool enrollment, but 41 percent of male preschool suspensions, and Black girls make up 19 percent of female preschool enrollment, but account for an astounding 53 percent of female suspensions.”2

We’ve seen teacher training on positive discipline strategies, classroom management, social emotional development, and managing specific challenging behaviors. Some researchers suggest that disparities will remain until we focus on implicit bias.

I was able to send the teacher some encouraging news about restorative practices in early childhood but unfortunately no real reassurance on reducing expulsions and suspensions.

What do you think about the guidelines? How are they working for your preschool to reduce expulsions and suspensions?



  1. Spotlighting Progress in Policy and Supports. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Updated November 2016. https://www.acf.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/documents/ecd/expulsion_resource_guide_11_4_16_final.pdf
  2. Strauss, New federal data shows Black preschoolers still disciplined at far higher rates than Whites. November 26, 2020. https://www.washingtonpost.com/education/2020/11/26/new-federal-data-shows-black-preschoolers-still-disciplined-far-higher-rates-than-whites/
  3. Image: Pumpkins and Preschoolers [Flickr.com]

Meeting Children’s and Teens Needs Using Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs After Covid 19 Pandemic

In the last blog post, we read that “Maslow before Bloom” is popular phrase in education circles. This means that our children’s basic needs must be met before they are ready to Bloom by learning. We also examined four critical challenges of children and teens created by Covid-19. Today we’ll look at the five hierarchal levels of Maslow and the dos and don’ts of meeting our children’s and teen’s needs so they can thrive in the post Covid-19 pandemic.

Physiological Needs

Needs that are biologically basic, such as the need for water, healthy food, air, shelter, sleep, clothing, and exercise.1 Free of toxic substances.2

  • Do try to meet basic needs first.
  • Do access 211 free referral resource line.
  • Do be educated about the signs of abuse and how to report.
  • Don’t engage in activities that are unhealthy for the body and the mind.


The need to feel physically and emotionally safe from harm and genuine threats.

  • Do educate yourself about the facts about the rate of infection in your area.
  • Do help your children and teens learn coping strategies and stress management.
  • Do get trained to recognize signs of more serious mental health conditions, like depression, and when to refer to counselors.
  • Don’t put pressure on yourself or others to achieve higher order needs.

Love and Belonging

The need to feel fully and unconditionally supported by someone else, and the need to provide such support and love to another. Friendship, intimacy & connecting with others.1

  • Do attempt to connect with others in your home daily through family activities.
  • Do attempt to connect with others outside of your home through virtual means such as FaceTime, group chats, and positive social media outlets.
  • Do provide opportunities for students to process their feelings to maintain their mental health.
  • Don’t ignore the attempts for connection from healthy members of your family.
  • Don’t assume that passive involvement in social media is satisfying social needs.


The need to genuinely appreciate and respect oneself. Self-esteem, status, recognition, strength.3 Two types: internal esteem (such as self-satisfaction) and external esteem (public acclaim) needs.4

  • Do encourage family members and other peers in their current efforts at thriving in this post pandemic.
  • Do consider giving back to others who are struggling to meet basic needs.
  • Do find other ways to help students tap into their talents, improving and demonstrating their skills.
  • Do shoutouts to your children and teens for doing good work, for staying connected to their peers, or helping a peer, etc. Find something good to say about each child and say it publicly.
  • Don’t meet your esteem needs through others’ achievements, especially your children.


The need to become the best version of yourself that you can be. Pursuing one’s maximum level of creativity.1

  • Do help your children and teens find confidence to persevere through difficulties.
  • Do be creative about how you can give back to and help others who are struggling.
  • Don’t assume that all others are able to focus on their creativity at this time.

Back to the Basics

Parents can utilize the hierarchy lens to navigate barriers to their children’s and teens learning and wellness after the pandemic. Ensuring your children first have access to physiological and safety needs will lead to opportunities to feel connected and loved by family and friends. Once those basic needs are established, you can work with your children and teens to develop coping skills. Now that the basics have been met, your children and teens are ready to learn and grow.6


1.     Corona Viewed From Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs: Why a public health crisis supersedes all else. March 19, 2020 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/darwins-subterranean-world/202003/corona-viewed-maslow-s-hierarchy-needs

2.     Quinn, Amy MA, MS, LMFT, COVID-19 and Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs: How Is Our Motivation Changing? April 20, 2020. https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/covid19-maslows-hierarchy-of-needs-how-is-our-motivation-changing-0420204

  1. Education Self-Care Grid During Covid-10, Westminster Public Schools, Division of Social Emotional Learning. For more information contact Melisa Sandoval msandoval@westminsterpublicschools.org
  2. Meeting the Needs of Children During Covid-19. https://www.mbfpreventioneducation.org/meeting-the-needs-of-children-during-covid-19/
  3. Gross, Helen, ASCD Guest Blogger. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and the Covid-19 crisis. June 9, 2020. https://inservice.ascd.org/maslows-hierarchy-of-needs-and-the-covid-19-crisis/
  4. Singh, Abraham Maslow’s “Hierarchy of Needs” Becomes Even More Relevant in the Era of Covid-19. April 20, 2020. https://www.psychreg.org/hierarchy-of-needs-covid-19/
  5. Image: Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs [commons.wikimedia.com]

The Case for Maslow Before Bloom

Abraham Maslow’s well-known theory of human needs fits well in the context of COVID-19. His theory is that human needs are arranged hierarchical and supersedes the others when ones are satisfied. Maslow categorized needs in a triangle format. Basic physiological needs are the foundation. The next four levels are safety needs, social needs, esteem needs, and self-actualization.  Children and teens must acquire the basic needs at each level before functioning successfully at the next stage.

Benjamin Bloom’s Taxonomy is also a hierarchical classification of the six different levels of thinking. Educators use these when creating course and lesson objectives.

“Maslow before Bloom” is popular phrase in education circles. It is typically used to communicate that before academic learning can be fully embraced, children and teens need their basic needs met.

Children’s and Teen’s Challenges Created by Covid-19

The critical challenges created by COVID-19 for child and teen well-being underscores children’s and teen’s distinctive needs, as well as the unique implications for policies. Let’s look at four challenges facing children and teens.

Higher Family Stress

The day-to-day lives of many families has sharply increased the levels of stress since the pandemic. Chronic or prolonged stress impacts children’s developing biological systems, especially in the early years. Healthy child development consequences can be both immediate and long-term.

Pre-existing educational inequalities are likely to exacerbate school closures and the change to remote learning. “The learning gains or losses made by children during school and Early Childcare and Education Centre (ECEC) closures vary significantly by access to remote learning, the quality of remote instruction, home support, the degree of engagement in schoolwork, and the overall attitude towards learning.”1

Greater Need for Mental Health Supports

Higher anxiety and depression scores of vulnerable children reported lower levels of well-being than before the pandemic. Direct surveys with children identified a deterioration in mental health, greater loneliness, and worries for themselves, their families, and their futures.

Children and Pandemic Burnout

Burnout is described as symptoms of emotional or physical exhaustion caused by long-term stress. Factors are making children vulnerable to burnout, such as unstable learning environments, prolonged isolation, housing insecurity, systemic racism, and various other factors. According to Dr. Earl, children, particularly those in “Black and brown”2 neighborhoods were left without the usual mentorship and support they would receive from their communities, families, and educators during the pandemic.

Greater Need for Support Among Already-Vulnerable Groups of Children

Certain groups of already-vulnerable children and teens are likely to have greater longer-term consequences from the COVID-19 pandemic. Vulnerable groups of children include homelessness, maltreatment, disabilities, children in out-of-home care, and children in the youth justice system. To provide needed levels of support. identifying vulnerable children will need intensified efforts.

In the next blog, we’ll look at each of Maslow’s levels and explore things we can do and not do to help our children and teens post Covid-19.



  1. Dirwan, Gráinne, Olivier Thévenon, Jennifer Davidson, and Andrew Goudie. Securing the recovery, ambition, and resilience for the well-being of children in the post-COVID-19 decade. January 28, 2021. https://www.oecd.org/coronavirus/policy-responses/securing-the-recovery-ambition-and-resilience-for-the-well-being-of-children-in-the-post-covid-19-decade-0f02237a/
  2. Matthews, Dona, Ph.D. 10 Ways to Support Your Child as We Move Out of COVID-19. March 19, 2022. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/going-beyond-intelligence/202203/10-ways-support-your-child-we-move-out-covid-19
  3. Flores, Alissa. Pandemic Burnout: The Toll of COVID-19 on Health Care Workers and Children. May 21, 2021. https://phr.org/our-work/resources/pandemic-burnout-the-toll-of-covid-19-on-health-care-workers-and-children/

How Parents Can Model Apologies to Children and Teens

Modeling Apologies to Children

  1. Everyone makes mistakes; that’s life. Saying “sorry” to your child is not a sign of weakness, but of strength.
  2. When you’ve acted wrongly, admit it and apologize. “I’m sorry I yelled at you. You didn’t deserve that outburst.” 1
  3. Give yourself a do-over if appropriate. “Sorry, Sweetie, I didn’t mean to snap at you. Let me try that again. Here’s what I meant to say…”1
  4. Resist the urge to blame. Adults start to apologize and then excuse themselves because the child was in the wrong. “Sure, I yelled—but you deserved it.”1


Modeling Apologies to Teens

  1. Role model humility. You can reduce teen defiance in general by instilling core values like apologizing
  2. More relatable and accessible parents. Your teen is better able to relate to you by showing your teen that you aren’t perfect
  3. Teenagers are truth detectors. They will actually respect you more when you level with them and are sincere
  4. Increase teen’s honesty. Teens feel more comfortable about admitting their own bad choices or struggles when you admit your mistakes
  5. Resist the urge to blame. A specific word to avoid is “but.” Avoid defending yourself by saying “but” after you say “sorry.”
  6. Ask your teen, “What can I do better?” or “How can we avoid this problem in the future?” after admitting any wrongdoing on your part2
  7. Your teen feels heard. When you say sorry, you respect your teen’s feelings and demonstrate that you understand them. You don’t want to be a parent who puts them down
  8. Apologies lead to forgiveness. You are not just teaching your child about the importance of accepting responsibility when you apologize, you are also teaching about forgiveness



  1. 5 Ways to Teach Children to Apologize. Ask Dr. Sears. [No date] https://www.askdrsears.com/topics/parenting/discipline-behavior/morals-manners/5-ways-teach-your-child-apologize
  2. Andy Earle. How to Apologize to Your Teen (and Why You Should). December 17 [No year]. https://thinkorblue.com/how-to-apologize-to-your-teen-and-why-you-should/
  3. Meiser, Rebecca. The Importance of Saying Sorry for Teens (and Parents). No date. https://yourteenmag.com/family-life/communication/importance-saying-sorry
  4. Image: teenager-1151295_1280 [Pixabay.com]


Five Parent Tips to Help Your Child and Teen Apologize

Parent Tip 1: Children and Teens needs guidance and patience

from you when it comes to teaching them how to apologize and make amends.


                     Parent Tip 2: Help your child/teen to notice how he/she feels about the situation or mistake and think about how someone else is feeling and what he/she might be thinking.

 Parent Tip 3: Ask your child/teen questions to get an account of the story and help the child process the event. Examples: “Can you tell me what happened?” or “I’d like to know what is going on. Maybe I can help.”



Parent Tip 4: Help your child/teen understand that taking responsibility means saying that it was his/her fault and he/she did something he/she should not have done.


Parent Tip 5: Help your child/teen make a commitment to change the behavior and make a plan to repair the harm and make things right.



  1. Brill, Ariadne. Children Are Wired for Empathy and Insisting On Apologies Is Not Necessary. August 6, 2017. https://www.positiveparentingconnection.net/teach-child-say-sorry/
  2. Pointer, Lindsey C. Restorative Justice Facilitates Effective Apologies. May 30, 2016. https://lindseypointer.com/2016/05/30/restorative-justice-facilitates-effective-apologies/
  3. Image: dialog-tip-advice-148815_1280 [Pixabay.com]

What Do Children & Teens Understand About Apologies?

What Children Understand

A child who has never been apologized to won’t understand the apology process, and more than likely he or she will refuse to apologize, turning a potentially beneficial moment into a standoff with hurt feelings.

Children are born with the capacity for love empathy and understanding. According to Craig Smith, “Children as young as four can grasp the emotional implications of apologies.”1

Parents/caregivers often expect children to make apologies immediately after offending someone. But children (and adults) often need time to process their mistake before they feel genuinely remorseful and ready to make an apology.

Here’s a link to a three-minute video you may enjoy. Children’s Understanding of Apologies.


What Teens Understand

Teens can learn and understand healthy behaviors and values without adults present because they are learning to function more independently.

While teens learn by making plenty of mistakes, they still need parents/caregivers to help them provide structure for that learning.

Teens are dealing with emotions that make them believe that anyone who is not their age does not understand what they are going through.

Teens are likely to feel remorseful, guilty, or uneasy when they make a mistake or cause hurt. Deep down they know they should apologize, but they may hesitate, afraid of appearing weak or admitting fault. Teens are more willing to apologize in the future with other healthy relationships when they see their parents/caregivers willing to apologize to mend relationships.

What do you think your children and  teens understand about apologies?



  1. Smith, Craig. When should you make your kids apologize? The Conversation, November 1, 2017. https://www.cnn.com/2017/11/01/health/parents-ask-kids-apologize/index.html
  2. Brill, Ariadne. Children Are Wired for Empathy and Insisting On Apologies Is Not Necessary. August 6, 2017. https://www.positiveparentingconnection.net/teach-child-say-sorry/
  3. Craig Smith. August 27, 2008. youtube.com/watch?v=tb8vM4mDdDk
  4. Brown, Neil. How To Make Your Teen Apologize. July 13, 2019. https://neildbrown.com/17-blog/parenting/how-to-make-your-teen-apologize/
  5. Tucker, Jessica. Apologize To Your Teen (Yep, You Should). January 31, 2022. https://www.moms.com/why-parents-should-apologize-to-teens/
  6. Moriarty, Donna. The Importance of Saying Sorry for Teens (and Parents). No date. https://yourteenmag.com/family-life/communication/importance-saying-sorry
  7. Image: excuse-me-5079442_1280 [Pixabay.com]

Restorative Practices & Resolving Conflict: Affective Statements

Any time is the perfect time to try a new restorative response. Here’s how a Modesto City School teacher at Shackelford used the simplest form of restorative practices.

“When two students had an ongoing issue at recess, we started to resolve the problem using I messages. Although the behavior did not change right away, the students began using I messages on their own. The conflict was not resolved right away, but it was a step in the right direction.”

— By Cohort 2 Site Team Member, Year 3, November 7, 2016

“I” messages provide the foundation of affective statements. This Tier 1 response is the most informal restorative response and can be used with all students. Affective statements are the easiest and most useful tool for building restorative classrooms and relationships.

Simply begin with an “I” statement and provide additional clarification with a feeling and a behavior. It is a personal statement made in response to someone else’s positive or negative behavior. It tells students how their behavior affects you or others.

Below are two examples of common situations and possible affective responses.

Situation #1: Students are rough housing in the hallway

Affective Response: “I want everyone to feel safe here and I can see that what you’re doing is making some of the other kids nervous.”

Situation #2: A student calls another student a name

Affective Response: “That hurt my feelings and it wasn’t even directed at me. I’m wondering how what you just said fits in with the school’s commitment to respect.”

How can you use an affective restorative response today?



  1. The Restorative Practices Handbook: for Teachers, Disciplinarians and Administrators, Bob Costello, John Wachtel, & Ted Wachtel, International Institute for Restorative Practices, 2009.
  2. Ed White Restorative Discipline Teacher’s Handbook. Page 16. [No author]. https://irjrd.org/restorative-discipline-in-schools/restorative-discipline-resources/
  3. Image: Cartoon Speech Bubble Clip Art [ux.stockexchange.com]