I’m a Middle born girl. I like being a bit mysterious. When I arrived on the scene, my parents already had a perfect little boy. I watch him all the time. I wish I could do everything he can do.

Sometimes he plays with me and teaches me new things. But sometimes he complains, “Mom, Shannon’s bugging me. Make her leave me alone.” Then the fun is over.

Competitive. When he’s like that, I try and remember things I can do that he can’t. I’m very competitive. He’s such a goody two-shoes, especially in school, but I’m good at sports. Not just one sport, but several sports. I like wearing sweatshirts from my favorite teams with my jeans.

Secretly, sometimes I feel like I’m not good enough. So I don’t even try. I’m afraid I won’t do as well as my older brother.

Being Opposite. Mom says that the personality trait that defines me is to be opposite of my older brother. She calls it the “branching off effect.” She’s a college professor and she uses these big words all the time, like she thinks I understand her. She goes on and on.

“Middle borns are most directly influenced by the child older than them. The child looks at the older child, sizes up the older sibling, and patterns his life according to what he sees. Then often shoots off in another direction.”

I just want to shoot my Velcro arrows at the cat. My perfect older brother would never dare do like they’re paying attention to me for a change.

Nothing’s Fair. I’m pretty concerned about fairness, because nothing’s fair around here. I have to go to bed earlier. I have to share. I have to clean up after my youngest brother. On top of that, I get the least amount of attention from you.

Sometimes I act as the peacemaker in my family, especially between my older brother and my youngest brother. I like people to get along. I’m good at seeing both side of an issue.

Where Do I Fit? I feel like I fit in better with others outside my home. So I just create my own little family. When I make friends, I tend to keep them. I like being a peacemaker and helping people work things out. My friends like that I’m understanding, cooperative, and flexible. They always pay attention to me. They make me feel like I belong.

Dad says, “Honey, you’ll probably be a late bloomer and have a power career where you can use your negotiating skills. You’ll be prepared to become an entrepreneur or a diplomat.”

I’m not sure yet what that all means, but it sounds good when he says it. He likes using big words too even though he’s not a professor. I hope I won’t ever talk like that. Well, I gotta go. My friends are waiting for me to play soccer.

Sources:

1. Does Birth Order Really Matter? Sue Flanagan,WVU Extension Agent, Berkeley County, Patty Morrison, WVU Extension Agent, Wirt County, Extension Service, West Virginia University, 2007. www.wvu.edu/~exten/infores/pubs/fypubs/WLG_237%20Birth%20Order%20…

2. Birth Order Characteristics: Does birth order determine personality? Karen Frazier kids.lovetoknow.com??› …??›

3. The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are, Dr. Kevin Leman, Revell, 1998, pp. 150-152; 165.

4. Image: clipart panda labeled for reuse 10 28 2014

As the first born child, I have some advice on how to parent me. You see, some of the things you do make my life more challenging, while others help me become a better person. Let me explain.

Need to Achieve. You pay close attention to everything that happens. I know you’re proud of everything I do and frightened by every potential injury at the same time. My need for high achievement tends to make me tense, more serious, more reserved, and less playful. You see me as a reflection of yourselves, so you push me to excel. I need you to put less pressure on me to succeed. I already do that to myself.

Normal or Not? I know you’re anxious about every new milestone. You’re worried I won’t be “normal.” But even if something takes me longer, I’m fine. When you talk with me and help me come up with ideas, I feel better about myself. Don’t focus on my growing up and miss what I’m doing today. Let me be a kid, and encourage me to play.

Love Who I Am. I want to know that you love me and approve of me just because I’m your child, not because I’m so responsible and a leader. I like it when you admit your mistakes. It helps me feel less pressure to be perfect. I know you’re busy but I like it best when both of you spend time with just me.

My Cover-Up. I wish you wouldn’t criticize my accomplishments. What’s wrong with 95%? I appear confident, but secretly, I’m extremely sensitive to correction and criticism. Don’t improve on what I do. I know sometimes you re-do my projects after I go to bed because they aren’t perfect. Try not to jump in to correct every word I say. Instead, reinforce that no one’s perfect.

Too Much. Sometimes I take on responsibility for other people’s problems since I have a hard time saying no. I don’t want to disappoint people, so I over commit myself. It’s hard for me to ask for help and I have trouble trusting others. If you offer help, sometimes I might accept it. Teach me how to accept life’s activities.

More Privileges. As the oldest, I should get some special privileges. I’d like to get a bigger allowance and stay out later. I have more chores than any of the other kids. How about giving them some of my chores? I did chores when I was their age, remember? I don’t mind being the babysitter once in awhile, but I like it when you remember in advance to get a babysitter.

Be Patient. How come I get in trouble more often than my siblings? It seems like you’re more impatient with me and expect more from me, like when you say, “You should know better.”

I know you feel pressure to be the best parent for me. But try to relax. I need someone to show me how to take it easy. I’m still just a kid. I’m learning too. Maybe we can learn together.

Sources:

1. The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are, Dr. Kevin Leman, Revell, 1998, pp. 287-288.

2. Birth Order & You: Discover how your sex and position in the family affects your personality, career, relationships and parenting. Dr. Ronald W. Richardson, Lois A. Richardson, Self-Counsel Press, 2nd edition, 2000; 2004. Canada, pp. 48-49, 50-51, 55-56.

What makes me tick? Mom and Dad. All that attention, the ‘ooh-ing’ and ‘ahh-ing’. I’m always in the spotlight. They photograph and video every little thing I do; then post it on face book.

I’m Overly…Because I’ve had so much attention from my parents, and I want to please them, I’m overly responsible, reliable, and well-behaved. The perfect child!

But all this stuff adds up to–PRESSURE. I want others to like me–my parents, teachers, my classmates. So I work really hard at everything I do like chores, school, & activities.

At School. I’m one of the best kids in my class. I’m a huge reader. I’m good at solving problems. I’m kind of picky though. I always try and do things right. If I can’t, I get angry and frustrated. Sometimes I just won’t do something because I’m afraid it won’t be perfect.

My Future. Because I’m good at details, I could be an editor, bookkeeper or accountant. But I like being in charge, you know, the boss. Maybe I’ll be a lawyer, a doctor, or own a company some day.

I’ve heard other people say I’m aggressive, but I call it being assertive. That’s a big word but like I told you, I’m really smart. If you want something done, ask me. I’ve got everything under control. I have to be on time, even early; everything’s scheduled. But I’m willing to make sacrifices to be successful.

Skills Galore. My dad says I’m a mover and a shaker, strong-willed, a high achiever, and a hard driver. I like it when he says that.

I’m actually a good leader in my youth group and school clubs I belong to. But sometimes that doesn’t work very well with my friends. I’m kind of a mini-parent, I like bossing my friends and siblings around. They don’t like it very much.

Dethroned. When baby number two arrived, I was no longer the king. All the attention, time and resources I had all to myself I had to share. It took me awhile to get used to all that sharing.

Two Types. The other day I heard there are actually two types of first born children. Not all first borns are like me. I’m the best type, of course. The other kind is also a leader, but in a quiet, behind the scenes way. They’re not showy or bossy like me. They make sure they pleassssse everyone.

My mom says they are more compliant than I am; they’re like nurturers and caregivers. I don’t know that much about that either, but maybe you do. I need to go finish my homework. I must keep the best grade in the class.

Compiled Story Sources:

1. Does Birth Order Really Matter? Sue Flanagan,WVU Extension Agent, Berkeley County, Patty Morrison, WVU Extension Agent, Wirt County, Extension Service, West Virginia University, 2007. www.wvu.edu/~exten/infores/pubs/fypubs/WLG_237%20Birth%20Order%20… 

2. The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are, Dr. Kevin Leman, Revell, 1998, pp. 79; 80; 85; 87; 90.

3. Birth Order Characteristics: Does birth order determine personality? Karen Frazier kids.lovetoknow.com　› …　› 

4. Image Source: I want to be the boss [StockPholio.com]

If you’re the parent of two or more children, perhaps you’ve wondered how children in the same family can be so dramatically different.

After all, they come from the same gene pool yet they have different personalities and interests. They’re brought up in the same environment, under a similar set of rules and family values. ¹

How can siblings be so different?

Our daughters have same parents, the same last name (until they married), and are both girls. That’s pretty much the extent of their similarities.

While they may be born into the same family they are not born into the same position. They are born with a different Birth Order. Birth order refers to the chronological positions in the family.²  My husband, our first daughter and I are all the oldest or first born children in our families. Each birth order generally tends to view life differently.

Origins of Birth Order

The idea that being the oldest, middle or youngest child comes with some typical personality traits has been around since the 1920s.³  Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler began stressing the importance of birth order on personality and character.

Birth Order Theory

Adler’s theory and the views of several birth order experts since, boils down to this: Children in any given family each strive for their parents’ love, attention and resources. The bigger the family, the harder it is to do this. And depending on where a child falls in the family, he or she responds differently. ³

In Their Own Words

A few weeks ago I spoke on Birth Order & Parenting. I’ll be blogging about how oldest, middle, and last born children view life and suggestions they have for parenting them in the next few blog posts. Stay tuned for a first born child’s view of life.

Sources:

1. The Achiever, the Peacemaker and the Life of the Party: How Birth Order Affects Personality, Dr. Gail Gross, Ph.D. Ed.D., Human Behavior and Education Expert, Speaker, & Author. Posted: 12/23/2013, Updated: 02/22/2014 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/news/birth-order/

2. Does Birth Order Really Matter? Sue Flanagan, WVU Extension Agent, Berkeley County, Patty Morrison, WVU Extension Agent, Wirt County, Extension Service, West Virginia University, 2007. www.wvu.edu/~exten/infores/pubs/fypubs/WLG 

3. Birth Order: What It Means for Your Kids … and You, Janet Strassman Perlmutter, www.parenthood.com/article/birth_order_hat_it_means_for_your_kids_and_you.html.

4. image Source: Basic Principles [alfredadler.wikispaces.com]